Sex is More Than Intercourse
Sex is about being intimate together, its about sharing something with one person that you don’t share with anybody else. Beyond the physical connection, sex is an emotional connection. Giving pleasure to one’s partner is an act with tremendous rewards. Let go of the focus on intercourse and focus on the pleasure.
Discover New Ways to Experience Pleasure.
The “coital imperative” is the misguided notion that “real” sex equals penetration of the vagina by the penis and yet often penetrative sex is very disappointing for the female partner. This is the reason majority of women prefer foreplay over intercourse.
You Can Do All Those Things Without Intercourse
You can be sexual without intercourse. Sex is about being naked together, taking baths together, doing full body massage with massage oils, kissing, hugging, oral sex. Take your time, slower arousal can be a blessing in disguise as it can be a great way to learn new foreplay skills, incorporate toys, and build communications and intimacy with your partner.
Explore each others bodies – Touch your partners body all over with no goals just pleasure. There is plenty to discover about how it looks and responds to your touch and on different days switch. Explore new ways to touch; lighter, slower, harder, teasing.
Discover new erogenous zones. Often the difference between getting aroused or not is not where you touch but how you touch. Ask and give feedback on what you find exciting and what gets you aroused.
Use your hands. Stimulating the penis or vulva with fingers and hands can bring you to a wonderful orgasm. Communications between partners about what each likes goes a long way. When pleasuring your partners penis have him show you what feels good and when he stimulates your clitoris and vagina show him how you like it for pleasure.
Sensual full body massage. Your goal is to give sensual relaxing pleasure. Use massage oil and take plenty of time massaging your partners entire body, paying attention to your partners response and breathing. A full body massage can lead to arousal and often times even orgasm.
Use your mouth. Oral sex is not just foreplay, it can be the main event! Both genders find the warmth and wetness of the mouth with the movements of the tongue often brings us to orgasm better than intercourse.
Use sex toys. A well placed vibrator can be the difference between orgasm or no orgasm, its sometimes just that simple. If you have been hesitant to try a vibrator there’s no better opportunity than now. A well designed vibrator can give you the intensity you need for orgasm whether you like clitoral stimulation or the feeling of a full vagina or both. Sex toys for penises are just as important and as pleasurable as they are for women. See our Guide to Vibrators for helpful introduction and recommendations.
Share masturbation. Many couples find it extremely intimate to enjoy self pleasuring together. We know our bodies best, you pleasure yourself, your partner does the same. You can either take turns or watch each other simultaneously. Mutual masturbation can be a very sensual experience and we can use it to learn how each other likes to be pleasured.
Explore prostrate massage/anal pleasure. For men prostrate massage with a finger or anal toy can be intensely stimulating and orgasm inducing even without an erection.
Schedule Your Intimacy Times
When sexual dysfunction hits one’s bedroom the default is avoid sex. There is the fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of disappointment and there is the unasked question, ‘should we try anything?’.
An easy remedy that works well for couples is to schedule sex. it’s not about intercourse it’s about spending time naked together, think about it being about pleasure.
Don’t give up. Intimacy is still possible and is very important to your relationship.